fighting

well folks, i'm just going to put it out there right now because life has been ROUGH lately.  losing my Dad has been harder on me than anything i could have imagined, and i know it's going to take some time to feel some sense of normalcy again, but i have to try.

i'm heading back up to my studio to MAKE SOMETHING.  i keep going up there and sitting against the wall or lying on the floor staring into space.  hours go by and suddenly i realize it's time for bed.  tonight, i'm going to make something, even if it's just a tag or getting elements together for a card, i need to do something that's Leah - something the old me had in her.

tomorrow, i'm heading to the gym (putting it up here, on the screen, means i'm committing to it, right?), for the first time since October when i injured my back.  i was incapable of walking upright, sitting for 5 minutes at a time or finding a state of restfulness to allow me to sleep, and i was seeing a chiropractor 2 or 3 times a week, plus wearing a stimulator for a big chunk of my workday.  the MRI showed 3 herniated disks and i was told it could be 6 months or more until it healed to a comfortable point.  when i got the call that Sunday morning about Dad, my back just...  stopped hurting.  or maybe i just stopped feeling that kind of pain.  i'm not sure what happened or when, exactly, because after the first hour, i sprang into action to get myself up to Canada to be with him.  i haven't felt even a twinge of back pain since.

while it's tough to find the inspiration to create something, despite all of the lovely things i have in my studio and the amazing projects i've seen posted by my friends, i think it will be easy to burn 600 calories on the treadmill and probably not even realize i'm doing it.  i have new kicks for the gym, a ton of Fabletics gear i haven't had the chance to use, and a good 25 pounds that needs to go.

here's to fighting through it.  'cuz that's all i can try to do, and i don't know if it's going to work, because this isn't the only hard thing in my life right now.  and to all of you who have endured this kind of devastating loss, you have my condolences and hugs, because grief is SO HARD.